Thursday, July 13, 2006

Family Mealtimes

The six reasons listed below are taken from a U.S.A family mealtime site but regardless of the country of origin I think that they are important and each one should be, individually and collectively, taken on its merit.

1. Strengthen the family by providing opportunities for communications and building relationships. (Focus Group Report by Nancy Lee, Nutrition Education Network of Washington July 1996)
2. Enable children to have longer conversations with parents, which can increase their linguistic abilities giving them an edge in the classroom. (‘Using ‘rare’ words at mealtime can enlarge children’s vocabulary’ by Carolyn Sanford)
3.Are seen as a marker for other positive family attributes and play an important role in helping teens cope with the stresses of adolescence. Suppers on! Adolescent adjustment and frequency of family mealtimes by Bowden and Zeisz 1997)
4.Lead to better nutrition as you have more control over quality and quantity of the family’s food choices.Harvard study pub. March 2000 Archives of Family Medicine
5. Enable children to adopt their parents attitudes to food and acceptable table manners.Is Family Mealtime Important? by Leah Davies, www.kellybear.com
6. Foster family traditions and help shape and give meaning to cultural heritage. Family Mealtime by Elaine Bowen, West Virginia University Extension Service

The reason for me posting this is that during a conversation, that had nothing to do with either the subject of families or mealtimes to begin with, it transpired that two of Nathalie's close friends live in houses where there isn't a dining table. Everybody eats their meals, on their laps, in front of the television (a bit like the Royle family). I was staggered, we aren't talking about families where one parent works twenty five hours a day down pit and has to pay mill owner permission to come to work - these are people who have professional careers.

As long as I can remember, both as child and parent, the evening meals has been important for getting everybody in one place at one time. Even if your children are small and eat earlier than you because of their bedtimes, it doesn't take much effort to sit down with them and as they grow older they can become involved more with setting and clearing the table.

I may have been, and I still may be, lucky but we, in Britain, seem to be like little rabbits transfixed in the headlights of an oncoming car when it comes to organising our lives. Everybody is telling us we have less time, life is all go, go, but why? Children have to belong to something, they have to do something - true, it's great for development but they also need some time to be with their family and what better time than mealtime. Or maybe I'm just an old fashioned hippy.

Oh and here's an alternative view, it's from an article by Sharon Griffiths of the Northern Echo.

WHAT'S so great about family meals anyway? Jamie Oliver might think they're brilliant and is trying to get us to eat together at least four times a week. But his children are young, biddable and haven't yet got lives of their own. The family meal - all gathered round the table like the old Bisto ads - has become a nostalgic shorthand for a family that has time for each other.

Fine, yes, of course that's important. Parents and children should spend time, lots of it, talking and listening to each other. But why spoil it with arguments over who gets the last roast potato or whether you've snuck mushrooms into the casserole? Never mind the fight over the water jug and who does the washing up.

When the boys were little, they came home from school starving and I fed them straight away. As they sat at the kitchen table, I would sit with them and listen to their accounts of the day and it was all very pleasant. Just like the ads.

But I had the luxury of working from home. Not so easy for mothers who come in late and barely have time to eat, let alone cook and talk.

Anyway, it doesn't last. The boys joined Cubs, Scouts, played football, cricket, tennis, rugby. They wanted to see their friends, had places to go, buses to catch. No time for chit chat. They just wanted to gobble and go. Food wasn't an occasion, it was just fuel for things they were in a hurry to do.

29 comments:

Linda Mason said...

That final sentence in the article says it all really. For some reason, people in this country do not see food and meal times as a pleasure but as fuel, to be eaten as quickly as possible.

We have a busy family life with all that that entails but like you there is a time at the end of each day when we all sit down together not to merely eat but to enjoy a meal. I'm afraid Paul that we are in a minority.

I believe that it is this change from say thirty years ago that is behind the so called obesity epidemic. People snack and eat fast food on the run rather than cooking a decent meal, which actually doesn't take up that much time and then sitting down as a family to enjoy it together.

It is a pity. I just hope that my children continue with the precious values we have tried to instill. I think it might be working because my son said the other day, that when he leaves home he wants me write down all my recipes so that he can cook the same sort of food.

Gavin Corder said...

For his entire upper 6th year, The Philosopher paid huge attention to food preparation issues...he's not silly and realised he was going to have to fend for himself. as a result he actually cooks, no bad thing as eating out in london is expensivefor a student.

Paul said...

It's a shame we are in the minority Mags.

I despair when I hear people say things like "why do we need to talk at a table, we can talk in the car."

Both my Mum and Dad worked and yet every night at six o'clock, the four of us would sit down together and eat, but like you say that was thirty odd years ago.

My daughter's school provides a breakfast service, but I'd better not start on those parents who don't/won't provide their children with a breakfast - it's too hot for a rant.

Crispin Heath said...

I'm looking forward to family mealtimes. It's a bit difficult at the moment as Eben eats at 5'o'clock. We do eat together at the weekend.

On the talking thing (rule 3), I was recently complemented by my Mother in Law on Eben's vocabulary and she noted that I always took the time to explain things to him in an adult way.

If he asks why, which is almost constantly at the moment I always give him as full an explanation as I possibly can, although that can stretch when he asks, 'why do planes fly' and I regret never paying attention in physics.

It's funny though, it would never strike me to do anything else and this is what I said to her, but she said 'no people just don't bother, they brush them off with a 'well it just does''. Frankly I'd never get away with it to tell you the truth as he'd badger me until I explained it to him.

Paul said...

That's great Six.

I believe that our children reflect not only our looks and gestures but also personalities. If you take time explaining something to a child they will come back at you with another query, maybe not then but later and if you don't brush them off they will be encouraged to ask more.

Being given the confidence to learn from an early age can only be a good thing.

Lucy said...

Well we have a mix of formal dining and occasional TV dinners, partly I think because I need the variety, I'd rebel if I was told it had to be one way!
I do appreciate the family meal - it feels special.

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